Grieving by Style

Sometimes we wonder why people grieve in the manner they do. One simple way to describe their behavior is through the aggressive/non-aggressive/assertive triad.

Non-aggressive people know what they want but let others walk all over them as they try to achieve it. Aggressive people know what they want and walk all over others to get what they want. Assertive people know what they want and go after it with certainty and strength without offending others.

When an aggressive person experiences the death of a loved one, they may become short-tempered and demanding. They may show no consideration for the funeral home's schedule or the workers. They may even demand that another funeral be canceled so their family member can take the time slot they feel they deserve.

Non-aggressive people may have trouble deciding on an appropriate date, order of service, or the color and price of the coffin. They may want the funeral director, pastor, or a friend to make all the decisions for them. They may quickly change their loved one's time of service when another person demands they need the hour, regardless of their own family's needs.

An assertive person gathers information from the funeral director about the various costs and makes the appropriate choices. They are willing to compromise on the time of service with a reasonable person. If their family members need a specific hour, they calmly and confidently secure that time for the good of the entire family.

Knowing there are these types of people and the different ways in which they grieve, you can get along better with them during their time of grief when you learn assertion. Know who you are and identify your needs, then calmly go about achieving them. Don't argue with an aggressive person or belittle a non-aggressive one. State your needs, and re-state them, using the same words, as often as necessary to make your needs known, always with a small, genuine smile. 

To read about a family's grief when the one who dies is of a different faith, order Pray Them to Heaven from amazon.com, barnesandnoble.com, and other online booksellers. It is also available as an eBook. The release date is May 4 and can be pre-ordered now.